Artist Statement
I am an ethnic Hungarian (a Slovak, Canadian and Australian citizen) now living in Australia.
I was born in the former Czechoslovakia (now Slovakia). From there, I moved with my family to Canada when I was 15. From there, I moved to Hungary (by myself) when I was 20. From there, I moved here -- to Australia -- when I was 31.
When I was 14 years old, I read Michelangelo's biography (The Agony and the Ecstasy) and I fell deeply and madly in love with him: so much so that he inspired me to start drawing "for real". I mean, I'd always loved drawing and I did lots and lots of drawing as a child (as children do), but it was only after reading this book that I decided to try my hand at "real" drawing. So I took a crappy pencil and some crappy paper I found at home and I set out to draw Adam from Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam". I was pretty happy with the result. And that was it. I fell deeply and madly in love with drawing. Nothing else compared to it. It was the equivalent of perfect happiness and bliss. Until...
Until I graduated from high school and moved from Canada to Hungary. There, I applied to the Hungarian University of Fine Arts but was rejected. I applied again in a different year and was rejected again. These were major setbacks of course... But I still did my best to keep my passion well and alive while studying Hungarian and English language and literature at ELTE University (often skipping an entire day of lectures and seminars just to be able to draw and paint at home).
And then came the year 2007....... I started experiencing awful, intractable, debilitating low back pain. The 14 years that followed are difficult to describe. Utter hell. (Visiting hundreds of doctors and healers, trying hundreds of treatments and therapies /getting my hopes up and then crushed again and again and again/, popping heavy painkillers like Tic Tacs, spending thousands and thousands of dollars on doctors and 'treatments' and racking up a huge debt as a result...) The horrible pain made me lose touch with my passion almost completely (which, in turn, and understandably so, made me very depressed). Before 2007, before the pain started, I spent nearly all my free time drawing. After 2007, since I was in pain most of the time, I was hardly ever able to sit down and draw. Sitting (especially for longer periods) was pure AGONY.
But I plodded on (with teeth clenched), even though during these 14 years I entertained suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. I did a lot of research and reading and learning (...and writing and meditating and trying all sorts of mental exercises)... I read books on chronic pain, listened to audiobooks and podcasts, used chronic pain apps, joined support groups and, most importantly, worked on myself... As a result, 14 years later, I am now able to manage my pain a lot better. And most importantly, I've been able to start drawing again...
And this... being able to sit down again and draw... has made the long battle completely worthwhile.
Emese "Mesh" Cuth